I can't tell you how much time I've spent googling "cure" for trichotillomania.
- Looking up different treatments and costs
- Checking on different vitamins and remedies
- Looking up different types of therapies
- Trying to find specialists in my area
I mean so frustrating
I looked into so many different hair stylists that create GORGEOUS barrier methods but wound up disappointed each time beacuse
- These were close to $1000 if not more a visit which would be every few weeks and I can't afford that
- They weren't available ANYWHERE near me. Even the ones in the US were hours and hours away
- These didn't CURE anything but just blocked it and still had limitations on how I could live my life.
I felt like I was going to live my life in hiding and just being "different" from everyone. And here is the thing, there is nothing wrong with being different. But the type of isolation I felt was so hard.
I was willing to participate in test studies if they needed me I felt so done. Even now I still feel that frustration as i meet others who have felt this way. Why is that it's a fight to be recognized?? And NOT just by the medical community, but by the people that know us.
Luckily from my experience, over time I've found support from family and friends as I've shared what I'm going through, but there are so many stories that are different. So many that end in hateful comments from family members or hurtful comments from significant others. EVEN well meaning comments that are painful.
It's not even about the "just stop" but the comments like "why can't I be enough for you to stop for" or "why can't you just think about all the good you have" it just doesn't work that way.
Much like any mental health issue there is no "one size fits all" there are different levels of severity and even throughout my own life I've had different levels of severity and different places I've pulled from.
The lack of consistency can make it hard. It makes it feel like it's impossible to overcome. BUT nothing is impossible. It may be hard, and overcoming it may look very different than you thought, but you can.
So that's why I had to reframe how I thought about things.
- I could spend my life feeling defeated and looking for a magic "cure" (and trust me I wanted the cure to be easy)
- Or I can take a look at myself and start to address this.
This realization all came after I'd been pull free for 2 weeks and went on a binge. It was the final straw and when I realized I'd been doing it all wrong.
SO here is what I found. When I stopped expecting a "cure" to make the urges and behavior just disappear and focused on the fact that this is a DISORDER not something that I DO i started to feel better about making changes. It helped me feel more like I had a sense of control over how I not only looked at the disorder but how I worked with it rather than fight it.
The more I focused on fighting it the more obsessive it felt and the more I felt resistance. Now that I honor the fact that i have this it has made the world of difference.
I started by not being upset over one hair here or there as long as I stopped myself when I became aware that I was pulling, especially since I tend to pull mindlessly.
Then I started working on the other parts of me that need work like my anxiety and how i deal with stress and conflict. I started to work on my affirmations and my heart and creating the belief in my mind that I CAN change because the more I told myself "I can't" the more I was "right."
SO NO I don't believe this is a "CURE" but I believe if you TRULY want to change your behavior in regards to this that you CAN. That it's not impossible, it's just HARD because IT IS A DISORDER.
It's not something you can or will just stop
It's not something you will "grow out of"
But that also doesn't mean that you'll NEVER be able to change or grow.
Stop fighting yourself, embrace the disorder and stop focusing on how much "you suck" because of it. Because the truth is you are a BADASS because of it. You are so much stronger than you think because you have gone EVERY DAY facing your biggest fears and your biggest cause of anxiety and frustration. You have lived every day in FEAR of discovery and have faced another day over and over and over again.
You have found a way to function among chaos in your life. You are a rockstar believe it or not. Now just find how you will shine and what that looks like for you - and it DOES not have to mean pull free. You can pull if you want, you can address it if you want, whatever way gives you the feeling of CONTROL. BUT I also know you can't do those things alone so if you want you can also set up a call with me to see WHICH ONE you're down with and WHAT you can do to head in that direction.
At the end of the day your choice on whether you want to "cure" yourself or not doesn't matter but the way you TREAT yourself does. The love you show yourself and the fact hat you stop FIGHTING yourself and blaming yourself for this battle. There are so many of us out there struggling alone. DO NOT stay isolated! I'm considering creating a community for people with Trich who have this mindset or not this mindset. What do you think??