We hear a lot about self-care, self-love, basically putting ourselves first in a world full of demands.
- Demanding that we get paid for 40 hours a week but work "above and beyond"
- Demanding that we be this perfect parent
- Demanding that we can also be pinterest perfect wives
- Demanding that we get no sleep but are never tired
- Demanding that we have time to make our bodies look like Kim Kardashians.
It. Is. A. LOT.
HOW do you have time to take care of you? NOW we all KNOW that none of that is real or realistic but SOMEHOW we still wind up deep into 35 instagram stories comparing ourselves to what people felt was "insta worthy" to share.
It's bullshit and it perpetuates the never ending anxiety that we CAN'T. It makes us believe that FAILURE is inevitable and FAILURE is what we do best. Think about the message that sends to your brain? You are literally telling yourself you're not enough and you're failing to reach expectations ALL THE TIME. SO what are you going to believe??
I know if you're reading this blog you probably struggle with trichotillomania. That means you probably feel most of your failure around the ability or inability to stop pulling your hair. Trust me in the 20 plus years of pulling I LITERALLY tried EVERYTHING.
- Sheer will
- Keeping a journal
- Having a reward system
- Having a reminder bracelet
- Having loved ones kindly call me out
- Putting bandaids on my fingers
- Having fake nails
- Fidget toys
But every damn time I failed and when I look back on it its because
- When we think of "pull free" we have this idea of perfection from day one of NO PULLING. WELL we already KNOW we can't be perfect so how the hell does that set you up to win?
- I KNEW I was going to fail because when have I EVER succeeded with this or succeeded at being perfect in general??
- It was more comfortable to pull and be miserable than to feel the uncomfortable feeling of finding how to quit WHILE not being perfect.
And how the hell do you love yourself when you feel all these feelings? You don't.
That's because our self-love cannot be based on our achievements or accomplishments or our looks. We have to love ourself regardless of the bullshit we will always think isn't good enough or worthy of love. I'm sure you love imperfect people in your life. So start applying that to you.
The thing is where do you start.. Well you start in consumption mode
READ AND READ AND JOURNAL AND LISTEN AND READ
TRUST ME - consume EVERY one of those bull-shit self-help books you avoid. Tell yourself the happy thoughts and gratitudes you have each day even though it sounds stupid. Listen to podcasts that lift you up and help you feel like a boss. Journal your feelings and emotions and release the crap that you're holding onto every day.
Stop expecting perfection and ONLY celebrating the "perfect moments:
Celebrate the weight gain, the failed cookie experiment, the time you forget to pack your kids lunch. Celebrate the buil shit that makes you human like EVERYONE else and just consume and realize that EVERYONE is on the same ride you are and we're all faking it all the time. Even when you've reached some type of "self-love nirvana" there will STILL be moments you are faking it. I fake it like every other day. It sucks.
But when we celebrate that there are things in life we all hate and we all get through that keep us connected as humans rather than this need to be perfect to "have love" THATS where the self-love grows from.